I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
