wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
smell my finger.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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