I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She bit a glass in half.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize