Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
