About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
