Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
