think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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