She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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