dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
