i think my mom watched the whole time
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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