Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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