I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
