I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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