I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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