I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
