oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
