The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize