I'm jealous of your bromance
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
