remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My vagina just recognized that song.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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