I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
