My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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