Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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