i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
