You're completely useless in the revolution.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
