Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
