You smell like a Billy Joel song
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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