Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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