a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
