Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
