and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
