What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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