Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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