just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
