I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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