does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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