So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
