oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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