I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
