end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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