found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
