Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
