...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
