He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
