we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The adults are the big ones right?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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