I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
