My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
