...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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