I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize