And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
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