His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
