you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
