It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
