Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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