just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i need some magic done to my vagina
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
