Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
