I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
