Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
