they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
