I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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