i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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