i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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