i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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