Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
