someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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