Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
