So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
