Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
