i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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