one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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