i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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