Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
