some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
