im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
