i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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