call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
