I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
