MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
honey bunches of taint.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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