if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
