Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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