you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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