His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
