Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize