i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
