was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
