So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
