went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
