He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
