come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize