Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
