Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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