that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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