Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
