Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
