Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize