Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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