I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
