I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
