she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
