i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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