Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
