I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize