That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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