OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
