the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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