i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
