Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
