woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
