I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
