Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
