Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
