Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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