Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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