I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
