I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
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