I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
