Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
