I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
