if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
