Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
