i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
