I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
