Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
