you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
do herpes really smell.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize