your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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