the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
